the good. the bad. and the technicolor.

 

 

like everyone, i have good and bad days. good days are usually amazing. and the bad days are usually horrible. there is no gray. i am living my life in a black and white movie.

don't get me wrong. there is nothing wrong with black and white. especially black and white cinema. some of the most amazing and original ideas have come from black and white movies. take alfred hitchcock. he basically redefined the definition of horror.

anyway. back to the real idea.

good days. good days are long chats on the phone. long conversations on skype. catching up with those that matter. those that make the difference.

good days are easy tests. passed tests. perfect tests.

good days are when your teacher actually knows what he is saying.

good days are when you love what you chose to wear that morning. especially when you love it through the whole day.

white days are, for lack of a better word, the good days.

black days are tough.

black days are when the depression takes over. when i think nothing is going right.

black days are failing a test. black days are hating your teachers.

black days are filled with cooking and cleaning.

black days are thinking that the only reason you are here is to do things for everyone else.

black days are irrational.

remember that. black days don't matter. and they're only black because you make them that way. life is always brighter when you decide to open your eyes and realize that you were wrong. your life is great.

aside from the black and white. there is always a little bit of color. sometimes, a burst of color.

color comes from funny jokes on twitter.

color comes from the three hour class that only lasts for thirty minutes.

bursts of color come from the humor that leaves addam's mouth.

that's right addam. this is for you. finally. i have been wanting to write you something for a long time. i have been thinking about it a lot. don't think i didn't want to. i just didn't know how to. you mean a lot to me. i just wanted it to be perfect. cause you can always put a burst of my color into my day.

your bursts come from the times you scream up the stairs at me.

the times you burst into my room and make me laugh so hard i fall off my bed.

the times you run around like a weirdo.

the times you speak in your own made up accents.

the times i realize that you are awesome and i couldn't have asked for a better roommate. a better example. a better friend.

there will always be black and white. but there will always be color. you just have to find where that color comes from.

when your first words don't suffice

 

"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better." - samuel beckett

lets just start out by saying that the first time i wrote about you guys it didn't show how much i miss and love you. so here goes try number two. lets hope that even if i fail again, i fail even closer to the truth.

this post. if you haven't figured out, is about people. surprise surprise. i think i'm seeing a trend here. oh well. it's a way for me to let go. to get my feelings out. a way to let everyone know. even though i know that you don't read it.

this post is for my friends of the past. the friends of forever. this post is for kenzie and cait.

sometimes we don't realize how good we had it until things change. completely change.

i don't know if i realized up until now how much both of you mean to me. until it was almost too late. i hope it's not too late. i hope you will both still be around.

i love the times that i got to spend with both of you. with the four of us. or even five of us. when natalie decided she could be healthy enough to drive around and think of stupid things to do.

i love the times we actually decided to do things. like drive to salt lake for the day. and try to find highland drive. and then finally find it. everywhere we go. but only after we don't need to find it anymore. i love the list. i love when we finally get to check things off the list.

today was possibly the best day ever. in a long time. even though the time in the car was long and tiring. even though the weather couldn't make up it's mind. whether to be warm or cold. but who cares? it was all worth it. all worth it to see the friends of the past. that will hopefully be the friends of forever.

so even though one of you lives in a different state. even though one of you is engaged. keep in touch. keep me updated. it's not that hard. i hope it's worth it to both of you. because i know that it is very worth it to me.

i will count down the days till i get to see you again. until then, just know that i love you.

times gone by. times to stay.

 

this post is going to be my first non complaining post. this post goes out to the friends of the thick and thin. the friends of the hour(s).

i guess we will go in the most logical order there is. from morning to night.

my first friend starts very early in the morning. at about 5:00 on monday, wednesday, and friday, and around 4:45 tuesday and thursday. then on saturdays he was there almost every waking and non waking hour. give or take a few. our week days started out the same. working out. monday wednesday and friday were filled with running, push-ups, and some weird tai-quan-do, made up by grant. tuesdays and thursdays consisted of mostly snowy, pitch black drives to american fork just so we could be in the pool, no later than, 5:15. we work our butts off. trying to sweat out all of the chlorine from the previous practices. we attempt to shower in the few minutes we have before school starts. classes go on and then we meet again at the pool. swim laps like there is no tomorrow. like we can even get anywhere, the pool is only 25 yards long. but we still swim about 5 miles.

"we never know a good thing till it's gone" -the script

it was on a evening the first saturday of february 2012 that i realized how much i loved you man. i never knew how much i would miss you and miss the time that we got to spend together.

here's to the miles we swam, the practices we skipped, the hundreds of dollars we spent on lazer racers and speedos. dome caps and vanquishers. heres to the times in your car we counted burnt out head lights. the times we almost got pulled over. heres to the time you drove me home when my goggles almost cut my eye out of it's socket. the times we took speedo pictures. in the winter. in the snow. at the lake. heres to my lost underwear at lone peak. heres to the 11 years you have always been here for me. here is to the sweat, tears, and blood that were shed from our various talks, practices, and time spent together. heres to a hope that it will never end.

here's to tanner frandsen.

the next period of the day would be the afternoon. the time where nobody wants to do anything. and here is to the friend that let me do nothing, yet everything. our time always started when school got out. we would do nothing. but we got to do everything we ever wanted. eating was our habit. didn't matter if we were hungry or not. he is the person that will always be here no matter what.

"I'm like the stink on your feet. I ain't ever goin' anywhere." -bedtime stories.

here's to the friend who will always be my friend. here is to the shopping trips. the clothes bought. and the money wasted. wait who am i kidding?! it wasn't wasted! here is to the homework done. the homework not done. here is to the food. here is to the dates. the dances. and the girls. here is to the good and bad. here is to the happy and sad. here is to the friends we had. and the friends we have. here is to the movies seen. the waters swam in. heres to the inside jokes. the outside jokes. the movie quotes. heres to california and mexico. here is to always being there for eachother.

here is to tyler warnick.

 

the next friend is there all the time. but is most important to me at the time when everyone else is asleep. our lives together started not very long ago. however, strange it is that our paths didn't cross earlier. but, who cares? it's like i've known you all along. you are a natural best friend. you are so easy to talk to and too easy to care so much about. our talks happen late at night. usually don't start until about one and don't end till who knows when. i love our talks. they are exactly what i need. keep em coming.

"Friends are Gods way of apologizing to us for our families." -unknown

here is to the hope that the quote i used didn't upset you. here is to the time that we didn't know each other. and here is to the greatest times when we did know eachother. here is to the late night. the early morning. here is to the rock hard brownkies and warm gooey brownies. heres to the up lifting words. and the honest words. here is to the times that have past. and here is to the times that are yet to come.

here is to mardi thomas.

 

here is to the twenty four hours seven days a week friends. here is to cait hepworth for being there. even though we didn't talk that much during senior year. even though she lives across the country. here is to kenzie plante. my sister. who is engaged now. here is to taylor martinez. my best friend who always will be the greatest. here is to ali larson. who i have known the longest. fighted with the most. but kissed a million times (when we were 6). heres to gavin and ellie. my forever fourteen year olds. heres to chad and ben. heres to the roomies - especially matthew and addam. heres to jordan and elizabeth. here is to everyone. love you guys!

"I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light." - Helen Keller

to add to the confusion

 

i sit here. thinking. trying to decide some amazing way to write my feelings away. but maybe that's the whole problem. i don't want to write away my feelings. i don't want to think away my feelings.
 
i don't want to forget my feelings. i don't want to forget my memories. our memories.
 
through the good times and the bad, you have always been there. i hope it stays that way. as long as that is okay with you. i guess the only thing i can turn to now are the words of people before me, people smarter than me. every time i listen to this song, i think of you. the lyrics seem to show at least a fraction of my feelings.
 
"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them and we help them in return well, I don't know if I believe that's true but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you..."  -Wicked
 
i wish i had a better way to describe how i feel. a good way to tell you, and everyone, the reasons i do what i do. i guess the only person who knows is God. because i certainly have no clue what i am doing.
 
i feel like i am back in ninth grade. leadership team retreat. on a blind hike. i have no clue where i am, where i am going. all i know is that the person that is leading me can see the way. they know where i need to go. they can see where i need to go to make it through the rough spots safely.
 
for now, the only thing i can do is trust in the all seeing man, God. because, he knows better than me, better than you, better than all of us.
 
there are two things i need you to know. one. a best friend, in my eyes, is the best thing and most important thing right now. it is what i need. and always remember. there are two things in life that we can always count on to help us work things out. God, and the beautiful lyrics he puts into people's heads.
 

"A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws."

when life gives you lemons....

"when life gives you lemons, make lemonade".

the thing is, i'm not always the greatest cook. i can't even take a lemon and make lemonade.

just when life seems like it's going perfect, something has to happen. it's like the universe doesn't want me to have more than five minutes of happiness.

i find something, or someone that makes me happy. happier than anyone else. i smile, laugh, and spend hours sweating away in a giant solar oven, otherwise knows as a car, just so we can talk.

i feel happy and perfect. up until my mind decides that just a little bit more sugar would help to make my lemonade taste so much better.

joke's on me. the sugar must be broken. because all it does is make things sour.

when apologies don't seem to cut it, and leaving it alone only makes things worse, what else can you do? start a blog. here i can write. here i can attempt to write.

here i can vent. here i can tell the truth.

i hope that she knows the truth. i hope that she knows that the three minute three second phone call at eleven ten didn't help me at all. i hope she knows that it only made me feel worse. i hope she knows that i still care. i hope she knows that she is still in my mind. constantly. i hope she knows that deep down, somewhere inside, below all of those crazy genes, i do love her. i just need to figure out how first.

let's just hope that the sugar isn't broken anymore, cause life keeps handing me lemons and i want to add just enough to fix our lemonade.