unknown

 

 

 

the world is full of unknowns. there are quotes all written by an "unknown". our minds are full of unknowns. unknown possibilities. unknown ideas. unknown. it's an empty word, yet, it is a word full of everything and anything.

tonight my unknown is full. i want to write about something amazing. something beautiful. poetic. captivating. but my overflowing unknown is taking over. i don't know what to write to fulfill my need of the unknown. i don't know what to say to catch everone's attention. to make you want to keep reading.

i strive for perfection. i strive for imperfection. only because i am such a perfectionist. my perfection in imperfection is what is keeping me from writing what i am really thinking. i want it to be perfect, but know that it doesn't have to be. but the obsessive compulsive in me is taking over.

to fulfill my need i have decided to not write about my problems, or writing about things from the past, i have decided to just stick with what is amazing right now. here. and now. in this moment.

i love the tough life i live. i love the challenges i face. i love being busy. i love the friends i have made and continue to make. i love the fun things i do. and heck, sometimes i even love the boring things i do, because math can actually be fun.i love living with my brother, even if it sucks at the same time. i love the tough life i live.

"do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment".

to add to the confusion

 

i sit here. thinking. trying to decide some amazing way to write my feelings away. but maybe that's the whole problem. i don't want to write away my feelings. i don't want to think away my feelings.
 
i don't want to forget my feelings. i don't want to forget my memories. our memories.
 
through the good times and the bad, you have always been there. i hope it stays that way. as long as that is okay with you. i guess the only thing i can turn to now are the words of people before me, people smarter than me. every time i listen to this song, i think of you. the lyrics seem to show at least a fraction of my feelings.
 
"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them and we help them in return well, I don't know if I believe that's true but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you..."  -Wicked
 
i wish i had a better way to describe how i feel. a good way to tell you, and everyone, the reasons i do what i do. i guess the only person who knows is God. because i certainly have no clue what i am doing.
 
i feel like i am back in ninth grade. leadership team retreat. on a blind hike. i have no clue where i am, where i am going. all i know is that the person that is leading me can see the way. they know where i need to go. they can see where i need to go to make it through the rough spots safely.
 
for now, the only thing i can do is trust in the all seeing man, God. because, he knows better than me, better than you, better than all of us.
 
there are two things i need you to know. one. a best friend, in my eyes, is the best thing and most important thing right now. it is what i need. and always remember. there are two things in life that we can always count on to help us work things out. God, and the beautiful lyrics he puts into people's heads.
 

"A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws."